Monday, August 30, 2010


So we had a big conversation last night, and I'm not sure what to make of it. Something along the lines of 'I'm happy but could I be happier?' seemed to be the message from my lover. He can see us happy in future but doesn't know if we could be happier still if we weren't together. I don't know. I'm actually really not that happy these days. I could probably be happier without him. Certainly without all this uncertainty.

Sunday, August 29, 2010


So these days I'm living in a small country town, about 10 000 people -is that small? Feels like it to me. Working as a junior doctor in a surgical rotation, which means lots of theatre time and lots of great learning.

Also newly in possession of a slow cooker so lots of culinary adventures to come there too. Made rogan josh last week - not my best work but pretty good in terms of making the whole house smell like an Indian diner.

Living with my lover - for one whole week we've happily resided in a single room. I think it all fits, in every sense - our stuff, our personalities, our relationship. Although this morning we had a tiff over my raspberry and white chocolate muffins (his favourite) and his lack of communication skills. He raised his voice and I called him a jerk. Nice. Maybe we deserve one another.

I really hate losing my shit like that. I need to learn how to be less moody and sweeter. I really do try but at times, I just do not succeed. Besides, I secretly feel that hardly anyone has ever called my lover on when he's been a jerk. Which to be fair, is really very infrequent and it's also not his intention. It just comes across that way sometimes to a sensitive type like me.

Maybe this is still the learning phase. Is this how we learn about each other? When we're not making the other person happy? and I learn that I'm too reactive, and he's not the greatest communicator but I don't need to react to that? I think I need to give him more space to be his grumpy self, if that's what he needs.