Intricacies

So in a day or two, peanut will be 10 weeks old!
And all, still, is smooth. A little nausea, aversion to pasta, incredible exhaustion. But overall, small fry.

What's not though is what on earth I'm going to do with my life. I want to do paediatric surgery. And I'm just racking (wracking? I think the 'W' adds weight to my angst) my brain to figure out how it's going to work.
Pros:
1/ fascinating
2/ rewarding
3/ challenging
4/ utility! The opportunity to change lives
5/ burns surgery - my passion
6/ great communication aspect
7/ nothing else even comes close

Cons:
1/ rough training program - moving city every year
2/ hard/ impossible to do flexible training
3/ Lover wants to do it too
4/ we'd need to train in different places
5/ I'm already 35 this year
6/ and we have a baby on the way

... just for a start!

This had been just driving! me! crazy! for the past few weeks. I just can't figure out how this is going to work. And it's not a baby-specific problem - we both want this, it's the right time, and the issues with my career plans would exist without our blossoming peanut.

I know I can do this job. What I don't know is how two people in a happy relationship can make two careers in paediatric surgery work. Of course two surgeons could work - but two mid-30s surgeons starting a family, and training in a very small and competitive field?

And then - this is the crux of it - why is it ME who needs to consider other options? Why do I need to sacrifice my aspirations? Because there is no question that Lover will feel the need to have these conversations with himself.

Why after 50 years of modern feminism do I still feel the need to choose between career and family??

Raspberry

Eight weeks today! It's passing so slowly ... And uneventfully, really! Aren't I supposed to be feeling sick and horrible? My appetite is great, I'm tired but feeling so good. And I still feel like drinking wine! Not that I am, of course... but I was expecting for this to be so much harder! Instead it's easy ... simple ... so fine.

I feel incredibly fortunate that it's all falling into place ... and I know so many folk don't have this kind of luck. And I feel for all those people who try for years. Really I though we might be joining them.

Blessed.

Blueberry surprise

Greetings, 2012! And welcome- we're glad you're here! Lover and I agree that 2011 has been the happiest year ever. We were so blessed!

Highlights were a wintry Chicago, with a dreamy wedding, beluga whales, Mexican food and fantastic music. Then there was our gorgeous new home - we have been just so happy here. It's truly a house of joy. We've had so many great parties and dinners and just moments. And the garden has flourished! And then there was Ethiopia, and Israel... unforgettable. We postulated that it might be our last great big adventure before kids came along... and I think we were right! And now, 2012, let's see what's in store for you.

My priorities - and this is just for January!
1. Find a new house, plan our move and execute said plan in a calm and stress-free manner! (eek)
2. Move city!
3. Find a new car
4. Start my new paeds job!
5. Organise teaching work
6. Celebrate Lover's birthday!
7. Grow our blueberry into a lychee

And as for the rest of the year - so much to look forward to.
 - Fantastic jobs
 - New neighbourhoods
 - New friends and old friends!
 - Fabulous music - Beirut and Fleet Foxes this week!
 - A new little person, in late August. We can't wait to meet you!